The Art of Letting Go
by caffeinated-craze
Summary: The only thing she had left of him was his portrait: the portrait that kept her from falling into the pit of insanity, yet pushing her into the pits of her own personal hell. It was the only thing holding her back. But she never wanted it to let go.


Hi guys. I did some really heavy editing with this story because I was unsatisfied with it after reading it a year later.

Anyway, I don't own the Harry Potter series, and I also want y'all to pay serious attention to the verb tenses. Enjoy ;)

* * *

Hermione turned around and faced Draco. "How do I look?" she asks.

"You look beautiful, as always," he replies.

She smiles, and picks up her purse. "Alright, I'll be going now. Goodbye."

"When are you going to be back from the party?" he inquires.

"I'll be back… maybe at 11?"

"Alright. Remember to lock the doors!"

"I remember, Draco! You don't have to be so paranoid! Okay, I really need to go now. Goodbye!" She gives him a slight nod and Apparates away with a loud _pop!_

She leaves him alone in the house again.

* * *

"You know what you should do after work, Granger?" drawled Draco.

Hermione looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"What?" she asked hesitantly.

"You should have dinner with me."

She snorted. "With you, Malfoy? Sod off. There's no way in hell I'd be seen in a casual setting with you. The only reason why I'm even in the same room with you right now is because I'm forced to be your partner in this damned department!"

He scoffed. "Oh ho ho, so high and mighty are you? Must we all bow down to you and kiss the hem of your robes?" he sneered.

All of a sudden, Harry bursted into the room.

"Wait, er, am I interrupting something?" he asked sheepishly.

Draco and Hermione looked at each other.

"No, of course not! Malfoy was just leaving, aren't you Malfoy?" she replied, with a sickening sweet tone.

"Oh, dear Granger, why would I leave? I was waiting for you to come down with me... for _dinner,_" he retorted, with the same fake tone.

Harry looks at the both of them and laughed. "What? What's so funny?" Hermione cried.

"You two are obviously into each other. No, don't say anything Hermione. I've known you for 9 years, and I _know _when you are interested in a man. You should just shut up and go on the date with him," Harry declared coolly.

"_What_?" shrieked Hermione, "I absolutely am _NOT_ interested in Malfoy!"

Harry ignored her and walked out laughing.

"HARRY POTTER! YOU COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!"

He doesn't bother coming back, leaving Hermione and Draco awkwardly waiting in silence.

"That was quite a revelation, Granger," he said.

"No, it was not a revelation. It was a complete lie!" she retorted.

"I don't know, Granger. This might be the only time that I actually agree with Potter."

"First of all, why would Harry try to set us up? And second of all, what woman in her right mind would be interested in a ferret like you?"

"First of all, I'd like to say that Potter and I have become quite friendly over the past couple months because we had to deal with a lot of cases together, and second of all, why wouldn't a woman be interested in me? I'm rich, quite nice to look at, adept at wizardry, a master in potion-making—"

"Oh please. Has someone forgotten that a Muggleborn beat him in all their classes together?"

"Unlike you, I didn't spend all my time studying. I actually went out to have fun with my friends, because I had a life!"

"What friends? They just used you! Oh, and not only did I get good grades, I also made time to fight Voldemort. So no, of course I didn't have time to have fun!"

"Oh, now you're going to use my dark past against me? That's very 'Gryffindor' of you!"

"What? Oh, I've had enough of you and your bloody taunting! I'm going home!"

Hermione shoved the manila folders on her desk into her huge and unsightly messenger while Draco turned back to his desk and picked up his own set of folders.

"Can I at least walk you home?" he asked quietly.

"Yes. Yes, you can," she replied softly.

"Thank you." They look at each other for the first time without anger in their eyes. Hermione thanked Merlin that the office was dark, because she didn't want Draco to see the redness creeping into her cheeks. She just kept telling herself that her flushed face was the result of the argument.

"Um…Are we going to get going any time soon?" she said awkwardly.

He abruptly broke their eye contact and looked down in embarrassment. "Right. Right. Uh, let's go… then?"

"Yes. We are walking out. Right now."

* * *

"How was work today?" he asks when she comes into the house.

"It was fine. Hold on Draco, I'm starving. Let me go get a bite to eat or something before I faint," she says. She sets her bag down and goes into the kitchen to warm up the leftover spaghetti.

She sets up only one plate and sits down. Draco follows her into the dining room and watches her eat.

"You were lying. Work today doesn't seem fine. You know, you shouldn't always keep things in. It's good to rant once in a while," he admonishes.

"Good to know you're always there for me." She says it without looking at him.

"Was that sarcasm?" he asks.

She sets down her fork in frustration. "No, it wasn't sarcasm. Why are you the one being so damn sensitive? You're not even alive. You're just… You're just a fucking inanimate object!"

He angrily glares at her. "It was just a question. A fucking question. I can't even ask a fucking question?"

"No, I didn't mean that! I'm just really tired from work. The case that I'm working on isn't turning out the way it's supposed to be, the Daily Prophet keeps publishing untrue shit about me, and my boss is giving me a hard time. I'm just…tired. I'm exhausted," she cries at him. "And the thing is, I don't know how much is left in me, but I don't have enough to take on anything anymore."

She takes a couple deep breaths to prevent the tears from coming. She doesn't want him to see her cry; hell, she doesn't want anyone to see her cry, because Hermione Granger is strong enough to hold back a few measly tears. He knows that her explanation was just a slew of lies, but he holds back from calling her out.

"You know, if you want to cry…" he trails off at the sight of the floodgates opening.

"Fuck you, Draco Malfoy," she chokes out while fleeing the room.

He accepts the insult without retort, because he knows that the only reason why she cries is he himself.

* * *

"Well, it's been 4 months since you and Malfoy've been dating. How is it?" asked Ginny.

"I'll give you three words to describe it: infuriating, wrecking, and extraordinary," said Hermione.

Ginny chuckled. "He's rich, Hermione, what do you expect? He's a spoiled prat raised to hate working, and now he's forced to work at the Ministry because of his past Death Eater dealings."

Hermione nodded. Her mind wandered off to how life would be if she married Draco. _What in the world? No no no, not marriage! We've only been dating for a few months! _she mentally screamed at herself.

"I wonder what it would be like if you married him," Ginny commented wistfully.

Hermione mentally slapped herself.

"It's been a year already, Hermione! You have to learn to let go!" Ron reprimands as he and Hermione enter her house.

"Ron, can we _not _talk about that? I'm getting tired of those words: _let go,_" she grumbles and goes upstairs to her room.

He looks up. "Oh, hello there, Malfoy," he says, barely masking his contempt.

Draco gives him a nod. "What were you telling my wife, Weasley?" he inquires.

"Nothing. It doesn't concern you, because you're not even supposed to be here," snaps Ron.

"Oh, shut _up_ already! This is my house, Hermione loves me, and I am entitled to stay here as long as I want!" snarls Malfoy.

"This isn't healthy for her! Since you love her so much, why don't you just get the _fuck_ out, huh Malfoy?"

"Healthy? It's not healthy for you to badger her incessantly like that!"

"Oh, like you know what's good for her!"

Upstairs, in her room, Hermione overhears their argument. She closes her eyes and sits down on her bed. The bed that she's been sleeping alone on for a year now.

_A year. It's been so long since I've been warm in my own bed_, she thinks to herself, letting the tears dribble down her face.

"I'm tired of arguing with you, Malfoy. Just go away," snarls Ron.

Malfoy snorts. "Does it look like I can?"

* * *

Their first kiss was magical. Their first time in bed together was heavenly.

And the first time he said those 3 holy words, Hermione thought she could die happy right there.

_I love you._

"I love you," he said, while comforting her after Crookshanks's death.

_I love you._

No matter how many more times he said _I love you, _the first one was the best, the most cherished.

It was the memory Hermione always went back to whenever she was alone and afraid.

"How long will it be until you come back?" she asked. Hermione had moved to another department in the Ministry, and Draco got promoted, expanding his duties to traveling to other Ministries to negotiate official matters.

"About three or four days, Hermione. I'll try my hardest to make it back sooner. I'll see you soon. _I love you,_" he said, kissing her on the lips.

"M-Me too. I l-love you," she whispered. He gave her a wistful smile and disappeared with a touch of his Portkey.

She didn't know why it was so hard for her to say _I love you._

"I love you. I love you. I love you," she repeated, over and over again.

_Why can't I say to him? I can say _I love Draco Malfoy_ to anyone without stumbling, but when I have to say it _to _him, it's so difficult. Why?_

Suddenly feeling like it was a now-or-never situation, Hermione rushed to the Ministry to demand for Draco's location. She had to tell him that she loved him, without stumbling. Without hesitating.

"Jane! Jane! T-tell me, where's Draco? I need to know where he is!" she cried breathlessly at Draco's secretary. Her throat was dry, and she felt faint from running so much.

_Damn it! What was I thinking? I _ran _all the way here? What the hell? Oh, you nitwit! There's something called Apparating_! She mentally punched herself.

"Uh, hold on, Ms. Granger. He's... hold on, hold on... Oh! He's in Bulgaria right now! Let me see the appointment book to know where his exact location is..." said Jane, flipping through a thick black book.

"Oh, he's supposed to be at the Bulgarian Ministry of Magic right now! His meeting with the Bulgarian Minister will start in half an hour."

"Thank you so much!" Hermione cried, and Apparated back home to figure out how to get to Bulgaria in time. "Well, might as well illegally make a Portkey," she said to herself.

"_Portus_!" she cried, pointing her wand at her boot. She grabbed onto it and felt herself being sucked into a hole.

She landed roughly on a patch of grass in front of the Bulgarian Ministry, quickly dusted herself, and raced in.

"Excuse me, do you speak English?" she cried at the wizard standing idly in front of the Ministry building.

"Yes," he replied.

"Thank Merlin! Do you know where the Minister has meetings?"

"Well, why do you need to see the Minister?"

"I just want to see the man that he's having a meeting with. There's something really important that I need to tell him."

"I'm sorry, but I don't think that they allow strangers within five feet of the Minister. Safety precautions."

"Well, can you at least go to the meeting room and tell this person named Draco Malfoy to come out to meet Hermione Granger?"

The man sighed, but begrudgingly agreed.

"Thank you so much! You're too kind!"

The man gave her an annoyed nod and disappeared into the building.

_I hope I'm not too late_, she thought.

Eight minutes later, Draco walked out with a confused look plastered on his face.

"Hermione?"

"I love you." She crushed him in a tearful embrace, knocking the wind out of him.

"Wh-, I love you too," he said back to her. He pulled back. "Hermione, what is this about? Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"I never got the chance to tell you that I love you. And I thought that if I didn't tell you now, you'd be gone forever, and I'd never be able to express what I feel to you," she sobbed, wiping her tears on her sleeve.

"What are you talking about? I'll always be here for you, Hermione. Always. Don't you dare think that I'll ever leave you," he chided lightheartedly and removed her hands from her face so he could wipe the tears off for her.

"It's just that... I had this horrible feeling in my stomach that you'd be taken away from me, forever. That I could never get you back. I know you'll never leave me, because you've already built a home in my heart and all that cheesy stuff that I hate saying but am saying now, but I still feared that you'll never come back from this trip."

"Here's something that'll keep me tied to you, Hermione." He put his handkerchief into his chest pocket and withdrew something.

"What is it?" she asked curiously.

"Will you marry me?" he asked, holding up a simple, yet elegant diamond ring.

Hermione looked at him in shock. _Is this real? Is he really actually asking me to marry him?_

She tentatively took the ring and slipped it onto her ring finger.

"Yes."

He got up and brushed dirt off his knees. "Now Hermione, can I tell you how unnecessarily dramatic that love confession was? I mean I know I'm that insanely attractive and loveable, but did you really have to travel all the way to Bulgaria just to say something that could've waited? I would've been back in four days."

She punched him in the face, with the engagement ring-adorned hand of course.

"Ow! What the hell was that?"

"I hope you have a great meeting with the Bulgarian Minister of Magic while looking like that!" she sneered and walked away with a smirk. She started to feel the humiliation from her actions. That was about the stupidest thing that she had ever done.

But after all, people in love do crazy things right?

* * *

"Do you remember how you and I used to go out to the park and have walks?" she asks him as she folds her clothing.

"Yeah, Hermione, I remember," he says.

"I know I'm making you feel guilty and bad, and I really don't mean it, but I miss those days. I miss those times when we could do whatever we wanted, wherever we wanted," she laments, putting the folded laundry into her wardrobe.

"You're not making me feel guilty," he says reassuringly.

She gives him an incredulous look.

"Okay, fine fine! You _are _making me feel incredibly guilty, because it's my fault that we can't do that anymore."

"No, it's not! It's not your fault! You never asked for this. It's just that... I want my husband back."

"But I am your husband. And I'm always here, with you," he says.

"I-I... Y-You're..." she chokes out.

"I'm what? I'm what, Hermione?" he demands.

She keeps silent and continues folding her clothes. She looks at the wardrobe.

_One person. This wardrobe... it's too big for only one person's clothing._

_"_Hermione! Look at me!"

She doesn't. She keeps her back to him and tries hard to ignore the anger in his voice.

"You won't even look at me. You won't even say my _name _anymore."

"I just want my husband back," she replies, turning towards him. Her tears form rivers on her face.

He sighs. "I just want MY HUSBAND BACK!" she screams, and runs out of the room. Leaving him alone. Again.

* * *

The wedding day was set on the second anniversary of their working relationship: the first day Draco Malfoy was forced by the Wizengamot to be Hermione Granger's partner in the department she worked in.

She remembered how happy they all were... how "accepting" all her friends were to Draco, and how "accepting" all of Draco's friends were to her.

The way that he looked at her that day was unforgettable. The black pupils of his lovely silver eyes dilated, and those lightly colored irises seemed to glisten. _Glisten._

The only things she saw that day were he and his eyes. She took no notice of other people.

"You look amazing, Hermione," he whispered into her ear as they waited for the matrimonial bonding to commence. She gave him one of her rare toothy grins.

Once the exchanging of rings and the kiss adjourned the ceremony, the party went to the banquet hall.

As the newlywed couple danced at the end of the wedding banquet, Mr. and Mrs. Granger knew that their daughter was in love and finally happy.

They'd taken so many pictures that day. Draco had wanted to capture the beauty of his new wife for all to see, and Hermione wanted to capture the beauty of true happiness.

And even after 4 years of marriage, Draco would still look through the pictures in their wedding album and tell her that she becomes more and more beautiful with every passing day.

* * *

"Hermione, you don't look so well," says Ginny. She rubs her very pregnant belly and looks at Hermione with questioning eyes.

"I do? Oh, it must be the flu season. I feel a cough coming on," Hermione lies. Ginny stares at her disbelievingly.

"You still haven't let go, have you? Hermione, it's not healthy to continue doing this to yourself."

"Why does everyone tell me that it's unhealthy? It's how I'm coping! I don't know how else to live!"

"If you managed to live 18 years without loving him, then you can live another 60 without him!"

"You make it sound so _fucking _easy."

"It should be if you have the right state of mind!"

"Ginny, you don't understand. If Harry is suddenly taken away from you, how would _you_ feel? You'll just get over it like that, right? You'll just GET OVER IT IN A SNAP, WON'T YOU?" Hermione bellows.

Ginny sits there silently, looking apologetically at her friend. She nods and hugs Hermione tightly as she weeps again.

"Hermione, I'm saying this for your sake. You can't carry on like this anymore. This is harsh, but I'd rather see you in the grave than watch you suffer like this any longer. I know it's hard to let go, but you have to. What would he think, Hermione, if he sees you going through so much pain? He doesn't want you to sink like a weight in the depths of the ocean," comforts Ginny.

"I'd only h-had him for s-seven years, Ginny! S-seven fucking years!" Hermione wails. "I miss him more than I've ever missed anyone. I miss my baby. We were going to name the baby Rose if it were a girl, or Scorpius if it were a boy."

Ginny holds Hermione even tighter. "Hermione, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I wish I could make this better," she says, tearing up. "I-isn't it just ironic how love can make someone be in so much pain?"

Harry walks into the room, and Ginny looks up at him.

"Harry, you're home," she says.

Hermione stops crying and gently removes Ginny's arms. "Harry, I just dropped by to see how Ginny was doing. Sh-she looks well. I-I hope the baby is d-doing well too."

Harry walks up to her wordlessly.

"I burned the portrait, Hermione. Draco… Draco wanted it that way," he says softly.

A muscle in her face twitches.

"You… what?"

Ginny shuffles in her seat. Harry doesn't shift at all, and continues to stand his ground. "I said that I burned the portrait."

Tears begin pouring down her face, and she laughs with the cackle of Moaning Myrtle.

"H-Hermione?" Ginny asks cautiously.

Hermione closes into a fetal position and begins weeping into her knees.

Harry takes her into his arms and starts crying too. Two minutes later, a sobbing Ginny joins into their embrace.

* * *

Hermione smiled down at her swelling belly, patting it gently.

"Three more months, Hermione, three more months!" Draco exclaimed irritatedly.

She nodded and said, "Draco, why are you so nervous? I know that you will be a good father, no matter what."

"How would you know that? For Merlin's sake, I've never had any experience with children, and for your information, I also happen to _despise _children," he retorted, shuffling his paperwork.

"Your lack of experience just proves that you have the capacity to learn. And just because you hate children does not mean that you will hate your own blood!" she said, and walked over to him to look straight into his grey eyes. She put her left hand on his cheek and caressed it. "Draco, don't be too hard on yourself. I'm nervous about this too, and I can't do this all alone. I need you to be my pillar of strength, my strong foundation. Because really, _you're _not the one bumbling around like an elephant with a baby waiting to pop out of you!"

He laughed and kissed her. "I'll never leave you to fend for yourself. Never. _Hermione, I'll always be there for you, no matter what! Even death can't tear me away from you!_" he said softly.

She nodded and kissed him back. Because she knew that he'll always be there for her. Always.

But that was the day he left her. The day he never came back. The day she lost everything: her world, her soul, her heart, her unborn child.

"Alright, I have to go now. I've got another meeting and I can't risk being late," he said, getting up and opening the door.

"Wait!" she cried.

He turned around and looked at her with his grey eyes. "What is it?"

"You forgot to tell me goodbye."

"Hermione, it's never goodbye for us. Never." He walked back towards her and kissed her again.

"You forgot to tell me that you loved me," she said with a sneaky smile.

His lips twitched into a somewhat grin. "Hermione Malfoy, I love you with all my heart, so much that I cannot bear to tear myself away from you. You will never be alone ever again in your life, because I will be there with you, every step of the way towards our imminent deaths. And I will be there for the baby. No, _our _baby," he put his hand on her pregnant belly, "I love you, Hermione. Always will. And nothing hurts me more than seeing you suffer."

With that, he left the house, never coming back again.

When the letter came from a hospital in Romania, saying that he and the group of people he'd been walking with were killed by a colony of wild dragons, she kept telling herself that he was just playing a prank on her.

When his half scorched body made it back to Britain and was presented to her, she kept telling herself that he just put on a lot of makeup and drank loads of Draught of the Living Death.

When they had his funeral, she didn't cry a single tear.

When she finally went into labor, her baby was stillborn.

That afternoon, when he left the house, he'd taken everything from her. And now, Harry had taken away her last method of contact with Draco: the portrait. It was the portrait that kept her from falling into the pit of insanity, yet pushing her into the pits of her own personal hell. It was the only thing holding her back. But she never wanted it to let go. She wanted it to suck her into its black hole of sorrow, because that was the only emotion that she was comfortable with feeling.

Now, the only thing she has left of him are their wedding pictures, and she thanks him over and over again for making the photographer take so many pictures.

"Harry, he said that he'd wait for me, right?"

He looks up at her, smiles, and nods.

* * *

Hope y'all enjoyed this tiddly bit! I made the original melancholy ending into a more bittersweet one, where she finally does let go but doesn't really let go because she doesn't fall in love again... Yeah you get the point. As I was rewriting this, I thought of how he should die, and I decided to make his death into an almost comical one (I mean really? Killed by dragons? Did that ever even happen before? LOL). Sorry if I totally ruined the sadness with such a ridonkulous cause of death, but I couldn't help myself.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you leave a review!


End file.
